Written by SamIAm
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Wednesday, 4 April 2007

image for American Man at Night Club Upstaged By Guy With British Accent
America! Land of the free. Home of the guys with no accents.

Sacramento, CA - It was another disappointing night for David Timbler, 24, a boring American man trying to find a girl. Despite Timbler's great one-liners and precise dance moves, he was upstaged by a guy with a British accent.

"This is a real problem for us middle-class males here in the States," says, Timbler, speaking in a boring American accent. "Just when you get the girl's attention, along comes some James Bond wanna-be, and it's curtains for the Yankee."

Timbler says that American women are so shallow that no matter how ugly the person is, as long as he has a British (or even Irish) accent, the girls flock around him.

"It's pathetic," said Timbler's friend, Rod Morgan, 26, also without accent. "The girls just run over to the guy and say stuff like: Hey! Where are you from? The UK? Oooh! I love the UK! Tee-hee-hee!"

Morgan added, "Get over it!"

Timbler stated that he even pretended to be British once, just to get laid. "I went to a bar and used the best accent I could find. I watched the movie Mary Poppins and studied Dick Van Dyke's accent."

"I got it down pretty good," said Timbler. "I went up to a girl and said, 'Allo there lady. Luvly day ain't it, squire? May I cop yer a drink, then, eh, mate? How about dancin' wiv a real British lad?"

Timbler stated that when he had to go to the bathroom he told the woman, "Escuse me, right, my not so bad bint, right? I 'ave ter go ter the bleedin' baffroom for a minute. Don't yer go anywhere now, wiv me bein' British and all."

Timbler says that when he returned, the woman was gone.

"It's just not bleedin' fair!" Timbler claimed.

Timbler claims he has not given up on learning the accent, and is studying another great actor, Keanu Reeves, who did a really great British accent in Dracula.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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