Written by The Watch Dog
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Thursday, 22 March 2007

image for Edwards Campaign gets Big Boost From Wife's Illness: Clinton And Obama Ponder Next Move.
Bill Clinton Will Have Prostate Surgery on January 23, 2008 According To Dr. Tyson of The Georgetown School Of Medicine.

A tragedy turned into triumph today as the latest polls show that, John Edwards, the former Democratic Senator from North Carolina, has surged into a commanding lead over his closest rivals in the latest Democratic Presidential preference polls

In the latest nation-wide poll conducted by the Center for Politics at Beauregard Junior College in Thibodaux, Louisiana, 53.2% of respondents said that they would vote for John Edwards if the Democratic Primary was held today. Itinerate Senator Hillary Clinton (Democrat: Workers and Farmers Republic of New York) saw her support shrink to 26.4 % just ahead of Senator Barack Obama (Democratic: Socialist Republic of Illinois) with 20.3%. (The percent of voters supporting other candidates such as Senator Christopher Dodd, Senator Joseph Biden, and Reverand Al Sharpton could not be reported due to rounding.)

Dr. Travis P. Northcuff Jr., Director of the Kirby Smith School of Politics, Plea Bargaining, and Mexican Fast Food Management at the University of Texas--Del Rio, said: "It is not unusual for a candidate who experiences personal tragedy to generate a tremendous level of sympathy in the polls. A tragedy of the magnitude that has befallen the Edwards family could generate sufficient sympathy for him to win the Democratic nomination."

When asked how this would translate into support in the general election, Dr. Northcuff became very cautious. "We have conclusive evidence that Republicans voters are cold, callous, unfeeling people who laugh at the tragedies of others. It won't affect them one bit. The impact it will have on independent voters is not clear."

A spokesman for the Clinton campaign had this to say: "We have not ruled out any options. If Mr. Edward's lead persists, It is very likely that Bill "Former President William Jefferson Clinton" will require major surgery to remove a cancerous prostate."

Our reporter was unable to obtain a statement from the Obama Campaign, but she did overhear a high level member of the Obama-2008 Presidential Election Committee yelling to his staff: "Can anyone tell me why Ms. Obama needs two breasts?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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