Written by Shaun Hittle
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Topics: Food

Monday, 19 March 2007

image for Pyramid Schemes Updated to Reflect New Food Pyramid Guidelines

Grand Rapids, MI- In a move that pyramid schemers around the world agree will help them keep pace with changing times, new schemes are being arranged to reflect the updated USDA food guide pyramid.

Joe Schmidt, President and founder of the storied Pass It Up, Inc, helped engineer the new guidelines, which will enable pyramid schemes to be less predictable and will allow for even more manipulation. "In the past, our schemes followed a typical percentage-based passing up of profits, similar to the food pyramid. But instead of 4-6 vegetables per day, 4-6% of the profits would go up to your sponsor. Now, in accordance with the new USDA guidelines, the percentages and kick backs will reflect an individual sponsor's needs."

Instead of a flat commission rate used in past pyramid schemes, sponsors will enter a formula based on their economic needs to determine their share of profits. This ensures that one never knows how much they will need to kick up the pyramid.

Initially, consumer advocacy groups, such as Spend Smart, have contended that the new pyramid will allow pyramid schemers to increase the degree of fleecing they perpetrate on business partners. However, after a 30 minute demonstration at a Days Inn, Spend Smart advocates were on board with the new program. "There really is no way to lose if you follow the program," stated Vice president of Spend Smart, Tony Gonzalez.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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