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Saturday, 3 March 2007

image for Mega Millions $275 Million Jackpot Winner Killed
A convoy of 200 suitcases packed with money on their way to grave site.

MYLANTA, GEOGIA--(BSNewswire)--Luck ran out for the winner of Friday nights Mega Millions Jackpot winner, Peter Patootie. Within an hour of the good news, Mr. Patootie was involved in a fatal traffic accident caused by a drunken driver. Lotto officials were stunned when the news came into lottery headquarters in Atlanta. The deceased, a 53 year old grandfather, was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident.

Shyster Lewis, a lawyer representing Mr. Peter Patootie, contacted lotto officials saying, "that according to his wishes, as stated in his will, upon his death any monies found within his possession at the time of death, which includes bank savings, revenue from possible liquidated property sales, outstanding debts owed, & including Lotto winnings, are to be buried in a safe, placed next to his coffin." That's right, He plans to take the entire lump-sum payment of $163 million with him!

Family members living in a trailer park, 10 miles outside of Weeshee Washee, Ohio, were shocked to hear the revelation. His chewing tobacco spitting, wife of 32 years, Tooty-Frooty Patootie, had this to say, "Why that stingy SomBitch...I'll resurrect his ass, then kill 'em!!"

Peter Patootie's funeral will be held at the lobby of the Weeshee Washee First National Bank of Ohio. Last viewing of the body will begin at 3 p.m. & last viewing of the Mega Million$ Jackpot at 4 p.m. A potluck/B.Y.O.B./tailgate dinner will begin after the eulogy in the banks' parking lot.

The lucky numbers were:14,21,33,35,51 Mega Ball = 43. This jackpot growing since January 9, had now rolled 14 times without a winner. The odds of winning the jackpot were approximately 1 in 176 million. Mega Millions is played in 12 states: California, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Texas, Virginia and Washington. Mega Millions drawings are held Tuesdays and Fridays at 11:00 PM Eastern Time, 10:00 PM Central Time and 8:00 PM Pacific Time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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