Written by Shaun Hittle
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Topics: Weed, Plants, Agriculture

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

image for Stalker Stands up for Rights of Invasive Plant Species
Example of area where Garlic Mustard was removed for the sake of other wildlife

Kalamazoo, MI - What do convicted stalker Joe Stills and Garlic Mustard have in common? According to Stills, both are being denied their civil rights by governmental officials in Kalamazoo, MI after the area Earth Day Committee once again slotted Garlic Mustard as the invasive species that will be targeted by Earth Day volunteers in 2007.

Stills, who was convicted of aggravated stalking in 2004 after being found in a neighbor's yard with a Star Wars light saber wearing a Wookie costume, claims he and Garlic Mustard should be allowed to go anywhere they please.

"I thought this was a free country. Apparently freedom isn't free. First I can't be where I want to be, causing no harm to anyone, and now plants can't be where they want to be?" Stills made his concerns known to county commissioners at a recent county meeting, and subsequently made his views known to each commissioner by tapping softly on their windows at their homes.

Apparently the county has not been swayed by Stills' efforts. County Commissioner Joe Rice stated in an Associated Press Article, "There is absolutely no validity to Joe Stills' claims of Freedom of Movement and the county's decision to target a harmful, invasive plant species that negatively affects the surrounding environment. Go sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

Despite county resistance to his claims, Stills vows to take his concerns to the court room, and if needed, right to the backyards and bedroom windows of the Justices of the Supreme Court.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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