A medium-intensity earthquake juddered through the San Francisco region this morning at 6:05 am PST, causing minor damage. No injuries were reported.
Lasting eight seconds and registering 5.4 on the Richter scale, the seismic shock brought back memories of the major earthquake which devastated the city and left thousands homeless in 1989.
Seeking to calm the public's fears of another "big one", a spokesperson for the International Advanced High-Performance Cutting Edge All-Digital Recently Updated Center for the Most Accurate and Reliable Possible Seismological Research, Analysis and Forecasting As Seen On TV said: "Generally speaking, in most cases an earthquake of this type usually precedes or follows another tremor of greater or lesser intensity which might take place minutes, hours, days or even years before or after the quake in question. Or this could be an exception. So as you can see, there's absolutely nothing to worry about."
The press conference was cut short immediately after this statement when a cloud of dust obscured journalists' vision as the entire staff of the center leapt into their cars and took off at a high speed, headed east.