Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Money, Americans

Friday, 2 January 2004

President Bush spent New Year's Day slaughtering quail and urging Americans to eat beef, despite the threat of Mad Cow Disease. In a statement reminiscent of the President urging Americans to spend money in the aftermath of the stock market crash and to go out and party after 9/11, George Bush also advocated running with scissors, playing in traffic and eating three day old sushi.

"If you don't eat infected cattle, then the terrorists will have won.", a slightly confused George Bush said, waving his shotgun wildly, sending his father, Secret Service Agents, James Baker and this reporter diving to the ground., "To prove that American beef is safe, I've killed five quail this morning, which I won't even eat, after all, who wants to eat a stupid bird when I can have a nice juicy hunk of bloody muscle and sinew?"

When asked why he killed the birds then, the President responded, "Because killing's fun. You're pretty stupid, aren't you?"

The killing of the five quail took three planes, two presidential motorcades, snipers on roof tops and a full contingent of Secret Services Agents to accomplish. The estimated cost of the quail came in at $45,000 per pound. The quail were thrown away at the end of the hunt. However, the President was photographed kissing a baby, so the junket was pronounced a success.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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