Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Cars, Pizza

Tuesday, 30 December 2003

A survey of Domino Pizza delivery drivers showed that those with Howard Dean for President bumper stickers on their cars were tipped better than those with Bush for President Stickers, according to a CNN report. The Bumper Sticker Survey, which has been used for years as the final word in presidential prognostications, show that pizza drivers who support Dean received an average tip of $3,462.57 per delivery, while Bush supports received the slightly lower amount of $1.23.

"People shouldn't imply that the tip discrepancy shows that Howard Dean has more support than George Bush," said Administration official Wegman ‘Pudgy' Waterhouse, "It just shows that pot smoking, unwashed, liberal, terrorist loving Democrats can't be counted on to tip reasonably. They just want to make God fearing, patriotic Republicans look bad. Remember, Republicans are the party of fiscal responsibility who know how to manage money."

When reminded that President Bush had turned a multi trillion dollar surplus into a multi trillion dollar deficit in less than three years by mostly just giving the money away, Waterhouse responded, "Oh, you people think you're so smart, constantly muddying the waters with facts and the truth. Facts and truths are just lies that the terrorist loving Democrats use to hide the greater truth about George Bush, the reality of the man."

When asked to elaborate on what makes President Bush such a great man, Waterhouse said, "Hmmm...what? Is that the time? Look, I've got to go."

Despite Republican claims that the Pizza Survey is meaningless, Domino's reports that the White House and Pentagon has in the last two weeks ordered 62 billion dollars worth of pepperoni deep dish pies, tipping an average of 2 million dollars per pie, with the funds to come from Halliburton's petty cash account in an apparent effort to close the pizza gap.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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