Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 6 February 2007

image for Love kidnap plot astronaut wore diaper to avoid detection
Commander Oefelein has booked a one-way ticket on the next flight

Texarse - (Rioters): International space station cosmanaut Capt Lisa Nowak, a 43 year old US Navy officer, wore only a diaper to avoid detection and the need to take a toilet break during her 1,000 mile drive from Houston to Orlando International Airport in a bid to confront love rival Colleen Shipman.

Capt Nowak has been charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, assault with an illegal pepper spray and other related crimes.

In her defense Nowak has said she believed she was being two-timed by space shuttle pilot Navy Commander William Oefelein, who flew the Discovery's mission to the international space station at the end of last year.

Her confrontation with Ms Shipman necessitated the use of a wig, an air rifle, a steel mallet and a knife - all everyday utensils any woman might carry in her handbag in a similar love triangle situation according to a deposition filed by her attorneys.

Ms Shipman has been described as a luscious 36-24-35 blonde, charismatic and tactile space engineer who works at the 45th Launch Support Squadron base close near the Kennedy Space Centre. She denies any impropriety.

The row has clearly upset the object of the women's affections in a big way. Commander Oefelein has requested a permanent transfer to the international space station where a tour of duty can last anything from twelve months to indefinitely.

The kidnapping case is due to be heard next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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