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Topics: George W. Bush

Monday, 22 January 2007

image for "Bin Laden Proving Harder to Find than Laura's Clitoris?" Wording to Stay in Tuesday's State of the Union Address
Bush uses finger to indicate the severity of the issue

In a development that has outraged conservative elements of Republican Party, the White House Press Office has confirmed leaked information that W. will indeed compare the hunt for Bin Laden to his own attempts to navigate Laura's Bush.

When pressed to explain this radical shift in Republican messaging on the war on terror, Walter Duvall of the Press Office noted - "It is no longer good enough for the leader of our party to target specific elements of the population. It's time for broader messaging, messaging that resonates with all members of our society be the male, female, poor, rich, old, young, Barry Manilow or George Michael fans."

When asked for comment on the likely response from grassroots Republican supporters, Mr. Duvall went on to comment "In the run up to a critical election year, the leader of our party has an obligation to focus on the issues of the day. America today is a divided nation. The President wants to talk on Tuesday about the importance of helping people come together. I suspect some of our grassroots supporters understand that."

Critics were further inflamed when sources leaked that an earlier version of the address contained the metaphor "The capture of Bin Laden will start a shockwave emanating from the Middle East that will send vibrations throughout the free world." When questioned about the removal of the metaphor Duvall was characteristically blunt. "There is no documented proof that any Republican US President has ever worn a metaphor. Our position on that issue remains unchanged."

Bush's new tactics has left party members from across the aisle fumbling for the appropriate response. Former President Bill Clinton commented "I think the record clearly shows that was never an issue in my administration." - A comment that resulted in Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton slapping her husband on the back of the head.

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