Written by Dan Barash
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Thursday, 18 January 2007

image for Hackers Hit Match.com; Make Inappropriate Matches
If you meet her on match.com, it must be a mistake

Online dating site Match.com was hit by hackers who scrambled the relationship logic in order to make thousands of matches that are doomed to failure. Match.com is the world's largest online dating site, and prides itself on being able to find love for those who strike out in the non-virtual world.

Many customers angrily cancelled their subscriptions when the site started matching them with the same kinds of losers and lowlifes they're already accustomed to meeting outside cyberspace. "Suddenly all I get are obese guys in their 50s who can't spell," said Daphne, a 27-year-old dancer in New York City. "And they smell bad too, I can tell."

Sexual preferences were also crisscrossed with gays being paired with straights, and asexuals being hooked up with everybody.

Match.com officials initially denied there was a security breach and blamed the complaints on "people who are too damn picky". The complaints increased over several days, and it became clear there was a serious problem when all women who checked the "just looking for sex" box were matched with a 18-year-old male from Akron, Ohio. He was interviewed by the FBI, who reported him to be happy and exhausted.

Match.com believes they have corrected all their data, and recommend that customers who believe they are getting substandard matches take a good look in the mirror.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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