New York City - Witnesses here stared in curiosity today as a man on a hang-glider smashed into the side of a New York City skyscraper, wounding one and killing one. Both of them him.
Bob Larsen, one of the witnesses to the act, stated that at about 7:30 a.m. he looked up to see the stupid terrorist. "At first I thought it was a really big bird," says Larson, "but then I heard a man's voice yell, Death to the American Devils!"
Larsen says that he could hear the thump of the terrorist's head as he struck the side of the ten-story building in downtown Manhattan. Then, the man fluttered to the earth, as Larsen says, "like a dead butterfly."
"I know a man died," says Cindy Weiser, another witnesses to the terrorist act, "but it was funny. I don't even think he broke a window!"
Larsen and Weiser state that they both ran over to the terrorist in order to laugh at him. "I couldn't help myself," says Larsen, "it was the funniest damn thing I have ever seen!"
Officials were immediately on the scene, including the NYPD and FBI agents.
"We received a call of a possible terrorist attack," said Victor Stein, an agent for the FBI. "When we got there, all we saw was a large group of people standing in a circle laughing and pointing at something on the ground."
Stein says that as he approached the group of spectators he could see what looked to be a giant red and white bird on the sidewalk. After being filled in by witnesses as to what had occurred, Stein, along with other FBI and police Officials, stood around pointing and laughing too.
"He-he had this-this note on him," Stein stated, trying to control his laughter. "It said - it said - hee, hee! It said: "You be all gonna' go dead! In the name of Abba! Abba is God! Long, long life live Abba!" Then Stein, along with other Officials, fell to the ground, rolling with hysterical laughter.
The terrorist was later identified as Mybum Bin Ahsmellen, a known member of a smaller terrorist cell called the Lari Curli Anmo, a group that was banned by Osama Bin Laden himself for having "really dumb ideas." One of these was to blow up a bananna truck, hoping people would slip on the peelings and die.
Three other men wearing hang-gliders were found in a men's restroom at Grand Central Station, trying to get out the door.
"From the sweat covering their bodies," says Stein, "we could tell they had been trying for a while."
The three men were later identified as, Al Spankma Salami, Ahneeda Boobbi Jobba and Oma Godin Hevin. All three men were taken to the local FBI office, laughed at, and released later to White House Officials to be made fun of. However, reports state that President Bush doesn't get it.
Meanwhile, other written threats from this same group are being examined, "but the crayon is really hard to read," say Officials.