Written by Andy Lam
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Tuesday, 12 December 2006

image for A Vengeful God Visits Seattle
God - Decidedly unhappy

SEATAC, Washington - Over the past weekend, officials at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport angered God by removing 14 plastic Christmas trees intended to celebrate the birth of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. After two day of prayerful reflection, these sinners saw the light and restored the trees to their rightful places.

It wasn't only prayers, however, that led these wicked men to recognize the errors of their ways; it was also the natural fear of the vengeance God would visit upon them. Pat Davis, president of the Port of Seattle Commission, the body responsible for the airport, that he and the other commissioners had obviously committed a grievous sin. "We tried to ignore the Will of the Lord," said Davis, "and that was a terrible mistake."

The full extent of the mistake became obvious as the Lord visited his wrath on the commissioners, the airport and the community. "It was very early on Sunday morning," described Mark Reis, an airport director, "that the angry hand of the Lord went to work. An earthquake was felt in several of the terminals and the sinks and toilets ran red with blood. At first we tried to ignore these signs; but when the Lord's booming voice emanated from the airport PA system - commanding that we restore the trees of suffer untold plagues ? we knew we had to act."

Their first step was to contact religious leaders from the Seattle-area to ask them to come and speak with the Lord on their behalf. Seattle Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky, who had initially drawn attention to the trees, was the first on the scene. "It was immediately clear that the Lord was He of the Pentateuch ? an angry and vengeful God," explained Bogomilsky, "and that drastic action was called for."

Bogomilsky, soon joined by a number of priests, imams, ministers and assorted other holy men, began beseeching the Lord on behalf of the SEATAC Airport. Through the combined prayers and intercessions of the gathered clergy, the Lord's wrath slowly subsided. Soon, the sun was returned to its rightful place in the sky and the plagues of frogs and locusts ceased.

To seal their new Covenant with the Lord, the Airport Directors procured a fatted calf and sacrificed it on runway 16L. As the cow's bellows echoed across the quiet airfield and its blood flowed across the tarmac, Pat Davis struck a conciliatory note: "We all learned an invaluable lesson over the past few days. We are foolish is we don't recognize that the Lord is always watching and that He is ready to act if we sin against Him. I can only thank the Lord for the mercy He has shown to me and the other sinners here at SEATAC. None of us are worthy of His love!"

By Monday evening, all of the trees had been restored to their places of honor around the airport - ready to welcome the newborn Baby Jesus when He arrives on Christmas morn.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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