Written by Buck E Filbert
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Topics: Airport

Monday, 4 December 2006

image for XXX-rated X-rays have security screeners excited
What a lovely knee

PHOENIX New X-ray machine to debut at Sky Harbor International Airport this hoiday season. The security screening system takes pictures of passenger's entire bodies. Images are incredibly graphic in detail and can reveal both explosives and gentiles alike.

The X-ray machine, called backscatter was developed 7 years ago but has not been utilized much in the States for security because of privacy issues. The X-ray machine should be installed and be operational to start scanning people by Christmas.

As children, many of us may remember X-ray glasses advertised in the back of comic books, promising to see through everything. Backscatter is that and more.

Passengers are being informed the images are privatley viewed by security and cannot be seen by the public at all.

One woman going to L.A. said, "if they're doing that I'm charging for a private".

When polled, people boarding airplanes were against the invasive pictures. Suprisingly men with extremely large penises had no problem with it at all.

Many travelers are uncomfortable with the idea of airport personnel being able to look at their most private of privates in a isolated, peep show like, booth.

Airport management explained that the genitalia are going to be blurred so as not too embarrass passengers. All X-rays will be immediately erased so they don't end up anywhere they're not suppose to. The department assigning shift duties to airport personnel has been bombarded with requests to operate the new device.

Security screeners assigned to run the machine are very happy with the added security it provides in addition to the endless hours of entertainment value.

One backscatter operator volunteered, the only people that we'll run through the machine will undoubtedly be really attractive females with super impressive headlights.

Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears have made reservations to be the first celebrities to be X-rayed by the new machine. We're insisting the blur be taken off and our graphic X-rays be instantly leaked to the internet said Lohan.

From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
Dec. 3 2006

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