Written by Mona Lisa
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Topics: Society

Saturday, 29 November 2003

Ban Happy Meals! What is it about the meal that is so happy? It has made our society obese. It has trained children to be gamblers, terrorists, and sexists. Families are being torn apart. We are unhappy. Sue McDonald's for their false advertisement!

"I didn't know I could gain so much weight by eating these everyday!" exclaimed a sixteen year old Fairfield resident, who would like to remain anonymous, as she gobbled down on a super-sized bag chockfull of fries. Apparently, hundreds of other Americans are also unaware of the dangers of these heart attacks-on-a-bun. A Federal judge dismissed a class action lawsuit in January filed by New York kids who claimed McDonald's food caused obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, and other health issues. Talk about the stomach being the way to a person's heart! Shame on McDonald's for targeting the children, the future of America, with their child-friendly fattening care packages.

We shake our heads in disapproval. We are unhappy.

The rise of gambling can be attributed to Happy Meals. When a child opens a bag and discovers that the toy inside is not of their choice, they manipulate their parents into buying them another one until satisfied because otherwise, all hell breaks lose. A gambler in training. McDonald's counters are slot machines for Hot Wheels, Lego's, and even more miniature versions of the Seven Dwarfs.

We cross our hands across our chests. We are unhappy.

The un-satisfaction from Happy Meals also gives birth to the future terrorists of America. Happy Meals teach our children that violence is the answer. When the toy is not of their desired choice, mayhem ensues. A child begins throwing the toy hoping that if they throw it enough times, a new toy will materialize out of thin air. Therefore, the Happy Meal advocates that violence is the working solution to all problems, whether it is as minor as governmental issues or as major as which Disney character is the best.

We stomp our feet in protest. We are unhappy.

Blame your parents' divorce on Ronald. Happy Meals have changed the lives of children for the past twenty years, allowing a child, who naturally refuses to eat at the normally scheduled times instituted by the family, to not only eat on command of a parental unit, but to enjoy it, and actually crave and yearn for it at off meal times. In actuality, it has exacerbated the mother's situation of her child not wanting to eat when she feels is time. It's ruined the lives of children and the family structure as we know it has become today.

We glare with disappointment. We are unhappy.

Happy Meals promote sexism. Why do the McDonald's workers ask if the child receiving the meal is male or female? What does that have to do with anything? In 2002 a web site was put online by the mother of a victim of gender discrimination in McDonald's focusing on this issue. Shouldn't McDonalds worry about the quality of toys instead of the sex of the child? Either way they make money. McDonald's is killing two birds with one stone: Happy Meals not only create a larger chance for obesity in our children, but soon the children will be obese and sexist. Why does a boy get Action-Man with his cool gadgets and weapons, but a girl only gets a Barbie doll and a brush? Are boys more precious than girls, more important? Does McDonald's promote a male-dominated society, with women staying at home raising children and driving them to pick up Happy Meals for lunch and dinner? Is this how we want our society to end up? All we can do is speculate and hope that we are wrong.

We yell in objection. We are unhappy.

America is made up not only of fat people, but fat people with bad morals. Happy Meals have brought everything but happiness into the lives of Americans and we still continue planting McDonald's all over our country and the world. Let Ronald play his game of monopoly until people finally catch on that Happy Meals do not guarantee happiness. Ban Happy Meals!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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