Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Sunday, 19 November 2006

image for Four Year Old Sam Adams Called Terrorist By Bob Woodward
I like blown up fire trucks!

(Washington, D.C.) Four-year-old Sam Adams, recently stopped from boarding a United Airlines flight in San Diego because his name matches a Sam Adams on the Transportation Security Administrations' "no-fly" list, might just be a terrorist, according to Bob Woodward. "The kid claims he likes fire trucks," said Woodward. "Yeah...blown-up fire trucks."

The noted investigative reporter, who is either pro or con George Bush depending on what book deal is pending, makes the claim against Adams in the proposal of his latest book, "Fisher-Price Fatwah," which was leaked on Galley Cat. The premise of Woodward's book is that Muslim extremists have sleeper cells in hundreds of day-care centers across the United States and not only is little Adams a member but may be a cell leader.

In order to defend his position and increase the bidding war on the proposal, Woodward called a press conference. And although much of the press conference cannot be reproduced here, since the transcript of the conference is already being negotiated by Woodward's agent for a new book, reporters were able to divulge the reasons for Woodward's abject fear of the four-year old. "I could only trace the history of this, allegedly harmless, Sam Adams back four years. Where was he before that?" When that question was challenged by a reporter with, "he's four, before that he wasn't born." Woodward replied, "Exactly...exactly."

Woodward believes that "the under 5 age group represents the greatest possible threat for future terror strikes in the United States. I call it 'toddler terrorism'." When asked for a time frame for these strikes, Woodward estimated "about 20-21 years." This time when a reporter countered that this would make the alleged "toddler terrorists" adults, Woodward did concede. "Please note that I said 'possible' threat."

Woodward then told reporters, "toddler terrorism is something you all are going to become very aware of because I had it trademarked, and my business manager is in negotiations with Russell Simmons to introduce a Baby Phat "Toddler Terrorism" line of throwbacks.

The famed journalist then pointed to the poster behind him of alleged toddler terrorist Sam Adams and admonished it, "not on my watch and as long as my agent can keep selling these book proposals."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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