Written by Jack Allen
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Topics: Slipknot

Saturday, 14 June 2014

image for Corey Taylor Suffers Mental Breakdown
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Slipknot and Stone Sour vocalist Corey Taylor has been admitted to a psychiatric facility after what has been described as "a very peculiar public mental breakdown", leading to him committing seventeen unusual shoplifting offences in one afternoon.

Witnesses have said that Corey Taylor was walking through Des Moines, USA when he walked into Banana Republic and selected a number of t-shirts. According to the employee that served Corey, he was told the total price of the products at the till-point; he then reached into his pocket, pulled nothing out and calmly said, "All I've got, all I've got is insane". Corey Taylor then went onto repeat this sentence, some say for too long, getting progressively louder and in a more aggressive fashion before picking up the goods and leaving without paying. He did the same another 16 times in different local retail stores before being detained.

The mental breakdown of Corey Taylor is a surprise to many, but not those close to him who have been waiting for years for his issues to properly surface. Joey Jordison, drummer of Metal band Slipknot exclusively said today that, "Corey has always struggled with the mass-distraction alternate world that man has created to distract itself to get through life with. Corey hates that he has become a staple part of one of these dimensions, being alternative music, in this meaningless sham of an existence. Oh, and he thinks shops are gay."

Many within the music industry have already sent out their heartfelt messages to Corey on Twitter but fans of the musician will wait patiently for the alleged voice of a generation.

"Get well well well well well well well SOON!" - James Hetfield
"Probably for the best. At least he won't be a sell out like Iggy or Ozzy now." - Jonny Rotten

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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