Written by Cool Papa Bell
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Tuesday, 6 May 2014

West Virginia Governor Earl Ray Tomblin has been included in a magazine's list of celebrities and public figures whose names make them sound like serial killers.

Serial Killer Magazine recently asked their readers for input in compiling a Top 10 list on the subject. Tomblin was voted number 3.

"Serial killings, mass murders, ritualistic slayings, people who wear pig and lamb masks, things like that really excite our readers," said magazine editor Spree Johnson. "So they really had some fun with this list."

The list includes:

1. Adult contemporary saxophonist Kenny G.

2. Rapper Uncle Murda.

3. Tomblin.

4. Ultimate fighting's Wanderlei "Axe Murderer" Silva.

5. The NFL's Dexter McCluster.

6. Former college football quarterback Sonny Sixkiller.

7. Rapper/record producer Violent J of Insane Clown Posse.

8. Musician Marilyn Manson.

9. Actor Billy Bob Thornton.

10. Horror film director/producer Rob Zombie.

The governor's office was not aware of the designation, but wanted to remind residents that he was not an actual serial killer.

"Governor Tomblin is an upstanding citizen and has never killed anything, except a couple horses," said his Director of Communications Amy Shuler Goodwin. "The governor's record is spotless."

Later in the day, Goodwin said the governor, who was bottled water shopping at Walmart, had released a statement.

"While I have not sought this honor I shall accept it on behalf of the proud citizens of this state," said Tomblin. "Any positive recognition we receive we should promote."

The statement also indicated that tourism officials might want to do more to attract serial killing fans to West Virginia, possibly even staging mock mass murder events, kind of like murder mystery theater.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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