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Wednesday, 23 April 2014

image for Kansas Legislature Considers Bill Requiring Bras On Dairy Cattle
When asked for comment, this dairy cow said "Moo."

Topeka, KS (Kansas City Star) - The Kansas state House of Representatives is currently debating bill HB666 that would at its essence require all dairy cows in the state to wear a brassiere. The bill was introduced by Representative Prudence Uptight, the Republican representative from Kansas district 69.

With Republican majorities in both the Kansas House and Senate, the bill could be on Governor Sam Brownback's desk in as early as two (2) weeks. Governor Brownback has in the past shown reluctance to sign such outrageously ludicrous bills, even though he is a Republican.

Representative Uptight has expressed her belief that Governor Brownback has no choice but to sign the bill if he wants to maintain any credibility with the Legislature's Republican majorities as well as the state's grass-roots conservatives.

In response, Governor Brownback held a news conference in which he said "What a stupid stupid idiotic bill. Put bras on cows? Are you fucking kidding me?" Brownback grew up on a Kansas hog farm.

Uptight's response was just as emphatic. "It is a disgrace that dairy cows are allowed to roam fields with their breasts in full view. Families travel on roads right next to those fields. Children who are happily taking in the beauty of our state are suddenly seeing cow breasts with multiple... tippy parts... um... nipples. This bill simply requires dairy farmers to cover the breasts of those cattle, which is befitting of the family values of our great state."

A member of Kansas' Tea Party movement, who stridently requested to remain anonymous, said "We aren't touching this one. People already consider The Tea Party over the edge. No comment."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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