Written by Paula Tsvayg
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Monday, 7 April 2014

image for Two University Students Engage in Complaint-Free Conversation

New York, NY - In an astounding feat of resiliency today, two university students on the precipice of finals season engaged in a three minute conversation without a single complaint.

Danielle Goldstein and Beverly Arden, friends from first year that ran into each other in the line for Starbucks, talked pleasantly for a record 182 seconds and didn't bring up their crushing workload, discuss how unprepared they were for their upcoming exams, or mention the all-nighter they'd both had to pull for the same paper last week.

Beverly discussed her travel plans to Greece this summer and her intention to visit a friend in Turkey, without her voice ringing from the anxiety of not having yet found an internship for the summer.

Danielle mentioned how her parents had come up from New Jersey to visit her last weekend, somehow not bringing up the fact that she had just received a grade of 32 on her latest engineering exam and was potentially going to have to stay at university for an additional year.

They both conceded that the weather was horribly unpredictable, without Danielle making a crack about how it didn't come close to being as moody as the boss at her demeaning internship, or Beverly choosing that opportunity to make a reference to her on-again off-again relationship with her boyfriend.

They made plans to meet the following weekend for a study date, and neither party mentioned what a struggle it would be to make space for a social interaction in their schedules at this point of the year.

Their parting words to each other were a genuine "See you soon!" without any hints of self-deprecation, desperation or insincerity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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