Written by Gee Pee
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Tuesday, 4 March 2014

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM, TEXASS -- The Pre-Labor Day Pregnant Belly Bikini Contest has a mission.

"It's not all about T&A, like most bikini contests," says Boo Bee, the contest's creator. "It's about women's self-images, about their self-confidence. It's about telling women that, being nine months pregnant and ready to drop at any moment doesn't mean you can't look good in a two-piece."

The contest, which is open only to expectant moms in the final stretch of their pregnancies, is hosted annually, in Houston, the week before Labor Day.

"The fact that it's called The Pre-Labor Day Pregnant Belly Bikini Contest isn't an accident or a coincidence," Bee explains. "It's intentional. The contest showcases women's looks just prior to their actual labor days."

Contestants vying for the tiara, bouquet of roses, and baby stroller that the winner is awarded, strut their stuff onstage, showing off their "baby bumps" during a bump-and-grind dance in two-piece bikinis.

"Thongs are not only acceptable," Bee says, "but encouraged. Our ladies have a lot to show, and we encourage them to let it all hang out, extra rolls of fat, cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, and all."

Last year's winner, Jenny Clay, took the crown because of her "stage presence" and her "ick" factor, according to the only newspaper that would cover the event, The Blaze.

A month after their delivery, the new moms are invited to participate in a follow-up Newborns' Moms' Breastfeeding Bikini Contest, wearing, once again, the bikinis of their choice.

Once again, Bee insists, Newborns' Moms' Breastfeeding Bikini Contest "is not all about T&A." Instead, "it's equally about voyeurism and exhibitionism," she says.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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