Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Topics: GOP, Edward Snowden

Friday, 28 February 2014

image for Snowden Leaks GOP-Sponsored Report Blaming White Men For Nation's Problems

In 2013, the Republican Party funded an investigation of issues that they consider detrimental to the American way of life. The report, written by the influential Heritage Foundation, cites numerous examples of how white men have messed things up for everyone. The report was not made public until recently. Edward Snowden found out, hacked into their system, and publicized the report.

The Republican Party created a list of issues, laws, and government agencies that they would like eliminated. The study was commissioned to find the sources of these in the hopes of preventing similar ones in the future. The report listed dozens along with the creators. Some of them are:

National Debt -- 2 major causes are the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan created by President George W Bush and VP Dick Cheney

EPA -- legislation signed by President Nixon

Immigration Amnesty -- legislation signed by President Ronald Reagan

The divide in the GOP -- The Tea Party created by white Republican men and women

The economic collapse of 2008 -- The repeal of Glass-Steagall banking regulations and Wall St executives (usually straight white men)

Healthcare for everyone -- Senator Bob Dole and Massachusetts Republican Governor Mitt Romney

Gay marriage -- while many were involved, Republican Governor William Weld has proudly stated his actions helped lay the groundwork

An anonymous source at the GOP, who was not authorized to talk, told us, "It was frightening to see that straight white men were to blame for almost everything, and often they were Republicans. I still have nightmares about it."

When asked why he leaked the document, Snowden replied "There shouldn't be any secrets." Then he released his father's credit card information, his brother's emails on infidelity, and his best friend's medical records including details of some STDs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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