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Sunday, 16 February 2014

image for Beaver Corp of Engineers Enlisted in Drought Stricken West
Chief Engineer

CORVALLIS, OREGON - Scientists from Oregon State University has released information concerning a top-secret project funded by the U.S. Government.

According to Dr. Hendick Harvikson, head of the 5-year project known as "B.W.E.E.D." (Beaver Waterways Environmental Engineering Development), groups of beaver engineers have been in training. The 2nd largest rodents in the world will now be sent out across the West to build dams across all free flowing waterways, in order to conserve precious water this summer during the current devastating drought."

"These rodents are natural born engineers," explained Dr. Harvikson. "They build dams on rivers and streams, and also build canals to float building materials that are difficult to haul over land. We took the beavers' natural building traits and have been fine-tuning them over the past five years. We enrolled the beavers in courses like, 'Tree Identification 101', 'Dam Design for Rodents', which, by the way, is a graduate level course, and 'Gnawing Techniques for Semi-Aquatic Mammals'. We feel we have covered all the necessary coursework to prepare the beavers for the huge task ahead."

When asked about the cost of the program, Dr. Harvikson stated, "No concern in this respect. The Federal Government, aware of past drought patterns, enlisted O.S.U. to develop the B.W.E.E.D. program five years ago, when there was still some money left in the U.S. Treasury. We have been fully funded for the next 500 years, which is how long this current drought cycle is expected to last."

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