Written by K.C. Bell
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 7 February 2014

image for Governor Christie Negotiating A Presidential Pardon

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is negotiating a presidential pardon from President Barak Obama before Obama leaves office in 2016.

As the drip, drip, drip of Christie's managerial practices are revealed: closing three lanes of the George Washington Bridge for four days in September; Hoboken Mayor Dawn Zimmer's approval of a Christie pet building project in return for emergency Hurricane Sandy Funds; firing a Hunterdon County prosecutor pursuing a case against a Christie pal; closing the DMV in Elizabeth, New Jersey, after the mayor failed to endorse Christie for reelection; using Hurricane Sandy Funds to build a non-emergency retirement facility; spending $5 million of Sandy money on a luxury apartment tower in New Brunswick.

The next drip is on its way.

Each day presents revelations of questionable abuse of power from different parts of New Jersey. State officials are stepping forward with what they once believed to be suspicions and now question whether those suspicions can be confirmed as acts of retribution.

"Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee."

"Got it."

When has government ever worked like greased lightening?

All the governor's office needs is a staff member named Houlihan, like the character in the George F. Kaufman play, The Senator Was Indiscreet, repeating, "Do you mean they know aboutÂ…"

Governor Christie initially joked that he was the person moving the orange cones on the George Washington Bridge. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Then he said he knew nothing about the bridge lane closure. Really? Lanes closed for four days connecting New Jersey to New York and he failed to notice? Is it possible he was out to lunch? Finally, he fessed up; sad/long face, mounted the podium and announced that his stupid, lying deputy chief of staff Bridget Marie Kelly was responsible. Booyah!

"Do you mean they know that the Port Authority pays the Gov's cronies $150,000 a year?"

While New Jersey families were living in tents, $25 million of emergency Hurricane Sandy Funds was spent on television commercials featuring the Governor's family and used as part of his re-election campaign.

"Time for a presidential pardon for the governor!"

Booyah!

Read more by this author:

Make K.C. Bell's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 4?

9 16 6 14

Go to top