Written by Adam Click
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Sunday, 12 January 2014

image for Man Who Survived Sharknado Killed by Polar Bear Vortex
A perhaps poorly chosen memento left on the banks of the pond where Mr. Whackenbach died during a rare Polar Bear Vortex.

Fort Lauderdale,FL.-A man from California, who survived a freak storm last summer in which great white sharks were swept up in water spouts inside a hurricane and deposited in a flooded area of Los Angeles, wasn't so lucky this time.

Fredrick Whackenbach, spent three months in the hospital last summer recovering from injuries he received during that attack. He died in an equally bizarre weather event last week while visiting family in his home town of Terre Haute, Indiana.

"It happened so suddenly.", explained Mr. Whackenbach's sister, Doris. One moment he was here the next moment, well...". Ms. Whackenbach went on to descibe the almost incomprehensible confluence of events which led to her brothers demise.

Terre Haute, was suffering along with the rest of the nation with record breaking cold temperatures when Fredrick decide to take his snowmobile out on the ice of Miller's Pond the morning of January 7th.

"No sooner did he leave then the most horrific sound I ever heard commenced. Like a roaring freight train, it was. We tried to wave him back in but he disappear into the blinding snow.". Little did his family know that the storm contained dangers other than blowing snow and numbing cold.

Mr. Whackenbach was one of twelve victims of what we now know was a Polar bear vortex. A freak storm system in which viscous polar bears are lifted up in extremely powerful arctic winds and deposited in areas not frequented by the huge carnivores. The completely white bears are hidden by blowing and drifting snows which accompany the fierce winds.

Unsuspecting natives make easy prey for the enraged and confused creatures and are often torn limb from limb as a result. "After the storm subsided we found the bears surrounding Fred's body. It wasn't a pretty sight. When you think about it maybe Freddy was supposed to die back there in L.A. during that sharknado, but he worked so hard to come back from that encounter it just doesn't seem right that he should die like this."

Sheriff's deputies were prepared to shoot the marauders but were prevented from doing so by federal wildlife agents because of the bear's endangered status. Eventually the bears dispersed on their own, leaving some in this community to wonder if there will be subsequent attacks by the disoriented and hungry beasts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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