In a short speech Friday morning that was watched closely by the nation's farmers, Vice President Joe Biden and some of the members of the House of Representatives announced that there was no use for panic among the cattle ranchers and farmers.
"We all know that cow farts and burps are helping to warm up our planet but we will not butcher most of our cows", said the Vice President.
He then stated that scientists have invented a small device to attach to the base of cows tails called the "Fartknocker".
"Any time a cow farts, the little devices slices and dices the air and lowers the amount of gas that the cow lets rip! We have allowed this to be tested by a major group which we will not name because they are afraid they will be nicknamed the Fartknockers. We have been told that it works fine."
"Meanwhile jobs are being created in a dozen different states for factories to produce these gadgets by the millions", stated the Vice President.
"I know, my wife and kids have ordered me one ahead of time."