Written by Adam Click
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Saturday, 30 November 2013

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Most notable was the arrest of "Flower", a turkey who had been pardoned by President Bush.

A joint program between the Department of Justice and the country's largest turkey producer has been declared a success following the apprehension of over 250 fugitive turkeys. The arrest of the turkeys is the result of tips phoned into the turkey hotline by citizens from across the nation.

The turkeys had been previously highlighted on the hit television program, America's Most Wanted Turkeys. Their crimes range from simple drug possession to kidnapping to murder, and some have been on the lamb for years.

"We would like to express our gratitude for all the tips, both productive and questionable, from ordinary people who went out of their way, during this busy holiday season, to make our country just a little bit safer." explained Eric Holder, director of the FBI. "I would also like to thank our special agents who worked overtime to bring these turkeys to justice."

Most notable was the arrest of "Flower", a turkey who had been pardoned by President Bush and who later was arrested for the gruesome murder of an upstate New York family of five. "Flower" later escaped and was last seen in Springfield, Illinois, in the summer of 2009.

"Flower" was an especially dangerous turkey, who probably shouldn't have been set free in the first place. Under our administration this fowl fiend will fry...in peanut oil,at 375 degrees,for a period of 40 to 45 minutes."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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