Written by Auntie Jean
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Sunday, 24 November 2013

The number of active serial killers in the U.S. has fallen so dramatically that the AAA status awarded by the Hannibal Institute has been downgraded this morning to AAB.

Speaking this morning to our Crime Correspondent, the chairman of the Hannibal Institute, Mr. T. Bundy said that that he thought that better Cable TV crime series had kept a number of serial killers indoors on murky evenings where they could watch exciting episodes about fictional and more innovative serial killers than themselves while relaxing with beer and pizzas.

Psycho analyst Mrs.C. Manson commented: To be a text book "fruitcake" serial killer like the one in "Seven" you need to remember who you had just killed and a lot of the younger generation of budding serial killers had low IQ s and attention spans due to food additives and obesity problems. Many serial killers are caught after the first one or two killings thereby disqualifying themselves from the official description, Serial Killer.

J.W. Gacey speaking from the Bates Serial Killer College in Texas said this morning " We train our interns long an hard. When they leave here they can run very fast, but lately obesity has set in soon after graduation and they simple waddle about like ducks due to lifestyle problems. Changes in year 3 classes are being made which include lifestyle education and fitness training. It may be some years before the effectiveness of these changes become apparent. In my opinion though I have to say that an AAB rating is still pretty good and it puts us above Canada and Great Britain and level with France and Pakistan."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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