Written by Valde Sapiens
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Friday, 11 October 2013

image for Tea Partiers drink more Vodka than Tea - Polls suggest

A recent Gallup poll conducted over the last weekend seems to suggest that the Tea Party may consider changing its name. While the nation is coping with the shutdown and many families are struggling to find ways to put food and drinks on the table many members of the Tea Party have broken ranks with the party manifesto and taken to drinking other forms of beverages.

The poll was conducted over the telephone with adults between the ages of twenty one and eighty-five. It was restricted only to those who identify themselves with the Tea Party. In response to the question "What is your favorite drink and how often do you drink it?" respondents overwhelmingly suggested that they prefer to drink beverages containing alcohol. The poll results are summarized below:

  1. Vodka - 53% : average 13 or more drinks a day
  2. Rum - 29% : average 6 or more drinks a day
  3. Tequila - 15% : average 9 or more drinks a day
  4. Black Tea - 2% : average 7 or more drinks a day
  5. Green Tea - 1% : average 3 or more drinks a day

Gallup will conduct another similar poll this weekend with members of the Congress who identify with the Tea Party.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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