Written by Tony Bagodonutz
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Monday, 30 September 2013

Localtown, USA - An area wide ban on a dance craze called "twerking" has been enacted during homecoming season. School officials have decided that it has gotten so out of hand that even the use of the term "twerk", "twerking", or any variation of it, even in casual conversation is grounds for suspension.

"It's gotten out of hand," says Ima Geezer, Superintendent of Localtown Affiliated School District 1.

Geezer went on to say, "It takes me back to about 15 years ago when we had to put the kibosh on 'grinding'. If we let this go on, we'd be sending the wrong message."

"I think it's so stupid," stated Missy Skanko, a local high school student, "My friend got caught twerking near her locker and she got suspended for the rest of the week. I mean what do they thinks gonna happen anyway? We all learned about teen pregnancy like, 6 years ago, and I'm pretty sure that twerking isn't what causes it."

Geezer's retort to student opposition was "When students are old enough to be legally able to vote then they'll be old enough to decide how, when, and where they can 'twerk','grind','gyrate', or even 'lambada', for that matter. Until then they'll have to keep their libido's where they belong, buried deep, deep within themselves."

When asked how long the ban will be in effect, Geezer stated, "This ban will hold effective through all area homecoming events. We will reinstate it for all seasonal dances. We will have to be especially vigilant during prom season. We all know what happens in the spring."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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