Written by Valde Sapiens
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Monday, 23 September 2013

image for Southern States band together to deport Zimmerman to Alaska

A coalition of Southern States led by Florida and Texas have convened a plenary and joint session of their legislatures to draft a bill banning George Zimmerman of domicile in any of the participating states. The same bill proposes to deport him as far North as possible. It is rumored that they have picked Alaska to be the future residence of the neighborhood watchman.

"It appears that Mr. Zimmerman needs a lot of ground to stand on," Florida Governor Rick Scott said. "He has also been known to react uncomfortably when other people cross his ground," Mr. Scott added. "Unfortunately, our state does not have enough empty ground for him and neither does any of our neighboring states. We are currently in negotiations with Alaska to procure a few hundred acres of land in the Denali area where he will be truly happy."

"We got no ranch big enough in Texas for this dude," Texas governor Rick Perry commented.

Mr. Zimmerman was recently acquitted of homicide by a Florida court based on the state's 'Stand your Ground' law. He has subsequently been cited for several traffic violations in the states of Florida and Texas and has been arrested on assault charges on his wife and father-in-law. He is currently in hiding while his estranged wife, Shellie Zimmerman, is trying to serve him with divorce papers.

Asked for comment on this matter, former Alaska part-time governor Sarah Palin said with a smile "yeah baby, bring him on."

As of press time, Mr. Zimmerman is consulting with his legal team about the legality of shooting grizzly bears were one to cross his grounds in Denali. "I've heard that grizzlys are more brown than black," Mr. Zimmerman said, "and I'm not comfortable with shooting browns at this point." However, he confirmed that he is definitely not going to be messing around with polar bears as those creatures are mostly white.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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