Written by manbrad
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Topics: Barack Obama, Syria

Saturday, 31 August 2013

President Obama announced today that in order to maintain credibility in the Middle East the U.S. will cause a few explosions in the war-torn country of Syria.

These carefully planned and executed explosions, which may number in the tens if not dozens, will demonstrate to Syria and its government that the hundreds or even thousands of explosions the Syrian government has detonated over the past two years will not be tolerated if they result in the release of chemical or biological agents.

But as long as these Syrian detonations only cause death and injury by conventional means, then they will in fact be tolerated by the US as they have been for the past two years. Likewise, the very limited in focus and scope explosions that the US plans to carry out will demonstrate the deaths of innocent people by toxic agents will not be tolerated but that the deaths of innocents by more conventional weapons are still by all means acceptable.

"The use of chemical weapons in warfare violates international norms," said the president, careful to not use the phrase "international law" not only because the Syrian government's use of chemical weapons may not in fact violate international law but also because he just hours earlier violated international law by ordering a drone strike in a country with which the U.S. is not at war.

"The death of innocent civilians by these barbaric means will not be tolerated," said the president, who has personally ordered drone strikes that have killed hundreds of innocent women and children, without any detectable irony.

Despite the history of limited US bombing campaigns leading to either failure to achieve objectives or being a prelude to wider US involvement and subsequent failure to achieve objectives, the president insists that a day or two of bombing--if it is noticed at all among the almost nonstop shooting and bombing going on at all hours of the day and night--will so cow the Syrian government that it will achieve all US objectives both in Syria and the greater Middle East. "This time for sure," concluded president Obama.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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