Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Wednesday, 7 August 2013

image for Nancy Pelosi's Hairdresser Secretly Controls Congresswoman

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi's regular morning visit to her exclusive hairdresser is apparently not just to maintain her famously stylish look.

According to low level sources at All Seasons Salon in D.C, Representative Pelosi has been taking voting instructions from her "Hair Team" for almost a decade. Prior to the arrangement, Mrs. Pelosi had run up a tab of over $5000 in her first month as a client. The deal reportedly provides services free of charge.

A heavily disguised backroom at the salon is staffed with liberal hair care industry analysts, all glued to C-SPAN video feeds. Pelosi's staff on the Hill receives detailed direction from the analysts via coded text messages throughout the legislative sessions.

Pelosi became a customer at the All Seasons Salon in 2004, following a disastrous cut and color at Chez Rue.

Mrs. Pelosi's Botox clinic, Madame Surpris, also claims to control her congressional votes.

Calls to the congresswoman's staff were not returned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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