Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 27 July 2013

image for Jane Austen Visits Bookstore in NYC's Grand Central Terminal
Austen dumps her homeland for the good old USA

Furious upon learning that her likeness would appear on 10-pound Bank of England notes, Ms. Austen determined she would take action to express her displeasure.

"Kinda cheap," Jane reportedly complained, spreading the word that she had expected to appear on 50-pound notes, rather than 10-pound ones. She's told friends, "Just because I've been dead since 1817, they think they can push me around."

She applied for and received a temporary earthpass from St. Peter and is spending the time, not in her homeland, but in the U.S. (a kick in the head to the cheap Brits, huh?), traveling to numerous bookstores, giving talks and autographing her books.

First stop? Yesterday, at an independent bookstore in Grand Central Terminal. Commuters and visitors couldn't believe their luck, getting to meet the revered author. A Mr. Darcy purchased a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (by Seth Grahame-Smith and Jane Austen) and asked Ms. Austen if she would autograph it. She refused, shaking her head back and forth in disgust, adding, "Grahame-Smith has some nerve. I hope that zombies make a meal of his heart and spleen and then chomp on his brains for dessert. If he has any brains, that is." Once her tirade was complete, she smiled sweetly at Mr. Darcy.

At 4 p.m. Ms. Austen said she would sign autographs for only a half hour more, as she had an appointment to get her hair cut and blown at a nearby beauty salon on 42nd Street. "My hairstyle is too dated," she said, continuing, "I'd like to look just like Miley Cyrus."

"It's about pride, dear readers," Ms. Austen said, addressing her fans. She continued: "Forget about prejudice. It's all about pride."

So there you have it. Jane is not a happy camper. And you can take that to the bank!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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