Best Korea's Supreme Being, Kim Jong Ummm, hates American Idol. He hates American pie. He hates American Airlines. But more than anything else, he hates the fact that after 13 years, not once, NOT ONCE has he been invited to compete on Dancing with the Stars!
Now that's a pretty tall order of hate! And it does not come with fries.
It appears that Kim was playing the US as a bunch of suckers when he invited former NBA Basketball star Dennis Rodman to his country in the guise of bolstering the country's Tattoo business. Who is Kim kidding? North Korea doesn't possess enough electricity to tattoo even one of Dennis Rodman's arms.
According to CIA surveillance of the hard drives of America's most wanted airport transient, Eric Snowden, it was discovered that Kim has been developing a deadly Fake Bomb which he plans on unleashing upon the US with a pair of fake rockets.
US President, Barack Obama, addressed the press from inside a toilet at stall number 5 of the Union Station BDSM bathroom in Washington, DC by stating:
"This is pretty serious folks. If this bomb gets remotely close to New York City this country is done for. Can you imagine a world without reality TV, Wall Street and Michael Bloomberg? I can't! Which is why I've moved all those people to secret underground bunkers that are fake bomb proof. Now if only could get out of these handcuffs and this latex outfit, I would join them".
While the president was desperately trying to talk Mistress Whap into let him out of the toilet, CIA spokesman Donny Dumbfounded took over for the president and chimed:
"Peons, the terrorist organization, Bob Qaeda is, also, planning to send fake terrorists to infiltrate our country through Canada in December of this year, disguised as fake NHL Zamboni drivers. I got this information from a phone call to Eric Snowden to help me find my car keys, which he mentioned were stuck between the two cushions of my couch. He, also, mentioned that I left the toilet seat up".
"So everyone in the northern part of the US should be on the lookout for any streets or driveways that have perfectly smooth ice. This is a clear sign that a fake Zamboni driver has been driving through your area".