Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Senate

Friday, 29 September 2006

image for President Bush Cancels November Election

Assured he would definitely lose his Republican majority in both the House and the Senate with the upcoming November election, President Bush canceled the election. Sighting that we're at war and the enemy wants to get us, Bush announced al-Qaeda could hack into the voting system and gummy up the results. To avoid an al-Qaeda attack and preserve our democratic process, the election is being canceled by a Republican majority vote from both the House and the Senate.

Why not? President Bush has already fudged up the Constitution, invaded a sovereign nation on a whim, keeps the borders unchecked, denies the global warming threat, changed the Geneva Convention. Soon trans fats are going to be good for us; afterall, fat is an oil. In a Queen of Hearts world anything is possible. There's even the recent suggestion that President Clinton was responsible for 9/11.

But George Bush was President. Wasn't he reading My Pet Goat to a group of children when the first plane hit? And after the second plane hit, didn't he continue sitting there for seven minutes, looking off into space, until he was practically lifted from his chair and carried out of the room?

Even Lassie would have reacted faster. Lassie would have jumped up after the first plane hit, grounding all air traffic with one bark. With a second bark, she would have alerted the F16's to take off from Andrews.

But Bill Clinton caused 9/11 because of the Monica Lewinsky thing. He was distracted. Well, yeah, but for about a minute. Seems the Republicans went on a witch hunt after the Monica visits to the Oval Office. They even attempted to impeach President Clinton because of these visits.

In August of '98, when President Clinton bombed Bin Laden's camps in Afghanistan and the Sudan, the same Republicans questioned Clinton's judgement, calling the bombing a "Wag The Dog" script; words echoed by then Republican Senator Ashcroff, who later became President Bush's Attorney General. Quaint.

Richard Clarke, the nations's chief anti-terrorism expert under Bill Clinton, handed Condoleezza Rice the Delenda Plan; a plan to fight al-Qaeda and she confessed to being unable to connect the dots. Give the lady a promotion.

Those terrorists will not destroy our democracy, so we'll cancel the November election to make sure.

Arf?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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