Written by Gail Farrelly
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Friday, 14 June 2013

image for George Orwell Returns from the Dead to Sell More Books
St. Peter drove a hard bargain!

Commuters at Grand Central Station received the shock of a lifetime last night: George Orwell selling and signing copies of his books, right near the big clock in the terminal.

"Ya gotta strike while the iron is hot," Orwell told the crowd, explaining that when he had read that sales of his books had soared since the recent surveillance revelations regarding the NSA, he decided to take action. He got St. Peter to agree to grant him a "watchdog pass" to return to earth in order to pitch his books for a few weeks. St. Peter, though, was a tough negotiator, forcing Orwell to appoint him as his temporary agent to receive 20% of the profits from his earthly book selling sojourn.

Also in attendance at the Grand Central book signing was Big Brother. He was doing more than watching. In fact, he was signing autographs at $5 a pop and doing a brisk business!

When word got out that Orwell was back, all the media outlets wanted to sign him up for interviews. With one exception, he said no to all, including Oprah ("too nosy," according to Orwell).

He has agreed, however, to appear as a guest on The View, admitting, "Those hairstyles of Whoopi Goldberg have always amazed me. Just gotta have a gander at that hair, up close and personal."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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