Written by Tania Lewis
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Topics: Books, Education

Monday, 10 June 2013

image for Man with 4th grade education wants to write children's books

Columbus, Ohio: Vincent Faranella, 43 year-old brick-layer tells co-worker Bobby Viola on their lunch break yesterday, that despite his lack of formal education, his latest career aspiration is to research and write children's novels.

Stunned by his friends' admission, Viola asks why children's books. Vincent says, "well, I want to write a children's book because I never read any other kind. And,I really think that I understand what kids want. I got to the end of "Where the Wild Things Are" when the kid leaves the island and the mom has his supper waiting for him, and I couldn't help but think that once we close the book that kid is going to get whooping of his life. That book is a classic, way better than these "pussified" Thomas Tank Engine tales, or whatever the F-these toddlers are reading."

Vincent has been spending most of his nights and weekends with girlfriend Carol Hollows, a divorce mother of two. He was thumbing around Carol's youngest son's room looking for a new video game to pop into the Play Station, when came across his favorite Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham, "now, that's poetry."

Faranella continues, I want to bring back books like Little Red Riding Hood, now that teaches you what will happen if you get out of line," as he bites on his bologna sandwich. He has also been dreaming up alternate endings or full-length sequels to some of his favorites.

When prompted, Faranella admits that his idea to start writing children's books was always a ambition, but like many of his hair-brain schemes of past, it never quite got off the ground.

If Vincent succeeds and jots a few ideas down it'll be a tremendous feat. He is practically illiterate, and lacks the attention span to sit though a 3 minute-commercial interruption, and coupled with his sheer lack of imagination, this reporter awaits to see if Faranella will make good on his latest declaration.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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