Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 3 June 2013

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The GOP plans to get rid of the elephant as it party mascot. (Photo by Paul "Little Bunny Foo Foo" Ryan).

TUCSON - A group of national Republican strategists met in Tucson to discuss what they can do to get the GOP from completely collapsing and going the way of the Ford Edsel, Cabbage Patch Dolls, and Pet Rocks.

Vareena May Pottpiffle, 71, who is the executive director of The Blue Haired Republican Women of Wisconsin spoke with GOPicky Magazine writer Amos Soursuckle.

Miss Pottpiffle, who has been a Republican strategist since back before her hair went from dishwater blonde to royal blue, pointed out that the way she sees it part of the problem with the GOP is the GOP designation (Grand Old Party).

Pottpiffle, who has been married and divorced five times, said that she and her fellow Republican strategists believe that the archaic GOP designation needs to be changed and changed pronto (fast).

When asked by Soursuckle what they plan on changing the GOP designation to she grinned, smacked her lips, and replied that they need to change it to the GNP, which she said stands for the more positive sounding Grand New Party.

She explained that this way the party name won't sound like it's made up of a group of old geezers and geezerettes and hopefully they will be able to attract younger members.

Pottpiffle has also urged the party to get rid of the old-fashioned elephant as the party mascot and replace it with a modern-day rattlesnake.

In Related News. GOP political maven Ann Coulter has denied that she is planning on relocating to Ethiopia in September.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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