Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 20 May 2013

image for WTF 'Landowner who spent $500,000 restoring dead Norfolk broad faces prosecution' as story puzzles Yanks?
Reg Patton Boggs now almost skint

NYC, New York - "Says right here some guy's going to jail maybe for spending half a million on a dead Norfolk broad," a puzzled Upper East Side taxicab driver said today, "some kinda necrophilia stunt, eh, like you Brits are SO kinky?"

The fast-breaking story from across The Pond describes a retired oil executive's grief after lavishing $500,000 of his retirement fund bringing back to life a rural patch of neglected wetlands.

Grief? The stunning restoration of the forgotten East Anglian bog has won Reg Patton Boggs a British national conservation award and rave reviews in the May edition of Horse d'Oeuvre & Hound magazine. [Yum! - 'Ed'].

Unfortunately a Norfolk Broads Authority jobsworth - the guy in charge of regulating Broads' affairs in that neck of the woods - has taken a dislike to some architectural details.

And ordered Patton Boggs to tear down the place and restore it back to, er, factory settings.

Including all the dilapidated supermarket trolleys, bags of toxic farmland waste, rusted Ford Mustang parts and three dead ferrets from the original 'unspoilt' site.

The confrontation is causing ructions among Norfolk's genteel bog-wading folk who love nothing better than a damn good tramp through marshy wetlands on a bleak Sunday afternoon.

Next week the controversy is scheduled for airing at the British Parliament during Prime Minister's Question Time when the Patton Boggs situation will be raised properly in public.

In the meantime the guy's revamped nature reserve will be serving its usual tequilla slammers from 10am at the Old Broads Bar under the linden tree.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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