Champaign, Illinois: America's corn-feed children not so content with what's on the menu. Local boy, Timothy Withers, son of Shirley and Michael Withers, weighs a very robust sum of 123 pounds. The boy stands at 2.3 feet tall, and has an appetite of a full grown team of oxen.
In a recent turn of events, the tubby toddler orphaned himself when he ate his own parents. Shock at the bizarre and gruesome behavior of the 5-year old "chub-ster" has neighbors scratching their heads.
"He was always nice boy, never talked back to his parents, even the time his mom almost mistook him for The Butterball Turkey on Thanksgiving last year," stated neighbor and family friend Doris Hamilton. "She cut carrots and potatoes, and loaded the tray into the oven. Well, screeching and cursing was heard almost immediately-she put Timmy on the casserole dish instead on the bird. I think she is farsighted. Anyhow, I think she felt bad for that ever since, and overfeed the poor little guy. He never had a fighting chance."
Tubby Timothy turned 5 years old in February, and "it was at this time, "another neighbor says, (name withheld)"the Withers grew deeply
concerned with Timmy's growing mid-section. I believe this is the time they decided to put him on a diet."
Mrs. Hamilton assures onlookers that his parents loved Timmy and only had his best health and wellbeing in mind.
But others sources say otherwise, "I saw the way they taunted that poor portly boy,"cried the anonymous source. "They would have picnics and barbecue in the yard, and say things like...see we can afford to eat hotdogs and hamburgers because we are slim, but you baby Tim, have to practice willpower and stick with eating the low-fat tofu burgers."
Timothy's fate is unknown at this time. Surviving relatives are said to be a little apprehensive about stepping up to take in Timothy. Inside sources say Timmy's aunt, is stocking up some of the boys' favorites, macaroni, frozen pizza squares, bacon, and devil eggs to insure no more dieting goes on with her nephew.
When asked why did he ravage the meat of his very own parents that loved and depended on, he said, "hey, they were asking for it!"