Written by Evil
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Topics: Airlines, Fat People

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

image for It doesn't pay to be fat anymore
A Samoan man, hauling a trolley full of food for lunch and holding a bag of evening snacks, is ready to board Samoa Air.

Samoan News - A tiny, enterprising, Samoa airline is being accused of price gouging for selling seats by the kilogram. Ninety percent of Samoans weight between 600 pounds and 900 pounds.

Samoa Air plans to price its flights based on the weight of it's passengers and their bags.

Most Samoans say they can't afford the price hike even though slimmer European passengers will be getting a bargain. "We hardly able to sit on one seat, how we pay so much if the seats still small," said Fiti Aina, an 800 pound Samoan man.

The price of a kilogram will be 93 cents to $1.06 depending on the attitude of the cashier selling the tickets, and a kilogram is 2.2 pounds.

A European weighing 195 pounds with a 35 pound bag would pay $97 one way, but an 800 pound Samoan with 120 pounds of luggage will pay $443.00.

A round trip ticket for a typical Samoan will cost $886.00. Competitors typically charge $130.00 for the roundtrip tickets of similar routes.

"I'm about to start couching on American Airline, they give free sea biscuits and chicken broth, plus they have two rolls of toilet papers in the bathroom, back-to-back," said Fiti Aina.

The airline's chief executive, Chris Lanton, said Tuesday that "planes are run by weight and not by seat, and Samoans need an education on this important issue. The plane can only carry a certain amount of weight and that weight needs to be paid. Losing weight by eating less pineapples is the only way out of it."

It appears that Somoa Air has inadvertently transferred their financial liabilities onto other airlines.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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