Highway patrol officers today arrested a red BMW 335i sedan today after they say the car turned its owner into an asshole. Officers impounded the car and the district attorney is expected to file charges against it next week.
"During our investigation, the owner's friends and neighbors claimed he was a really nice, calm guy when he owned his Hyundai, but everything changed after he bought the BMW," said Highway Patrol spokesman Wilkie VonChickleford. "After that, he began speeding in residential zones and tailgating other drivers. After considering all factors, we concluded that the car was to blame, so that's why it was arrested."
VonChickleford said he could only recall one other instance when a car was arrested for turning its driver into an asshole. "I remember it well," he said. "It was a black Porsche 911."