Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 26 February 2013

image for Missouri Bans Facial Tattoos
Effective March 1, Missouri tattoo artists can be fined and/or jailed if they give a Missouri citizen a facial tattoo.

JEFFERSON CITY, Missouri - The state known as The Show Me State has just voted to ban the practice of facial tattoos.

State Senator Dominic Crackerwine [R-Joplin] stated that the state senate vote was 23-11 in favor of doing away with the facial inking.

Senator Crackerwine stressed the fact that the reason why he voted for the bill was because he simply got tired of going to Walmart with his elderly grandmother and seeing so many young and old males looking like they had fallen onto an open paint container of Sherwin Williams.

Fellow Senator Cressida Daphne Cashew, [D-Hannibal] added that she recently took her five grandchildren to a Captain Cluckity Cluck Cluck's Chicken Shack in Hannibal and they left as soon as she saw the counter employee.

She said that the employee was sporting a facial tattoo with the extremely vulgar word [EXPLETIVE DELETED BY EDITOR] inked across his left cheek, over the bridge of his nose, and over to his right cheek.

She noted that one day last week when she was getting a pedicure the pedicurist had a tattoo of a Peruvian parrot on her chin.

The senator said that it looked silly because the parrot was missing one of its wings and it had a cleft stomach.

The new Missouri Anti-Facial Tattoo Bill will go into effect on March 1, 2013. The bill states that any citizen of Missouri (male or female) having a facial tattoo must register it by mailing a photo of the facial tattoo along with a one-time state facial tattoo fee of $172 to the governor's office.

In Other News. Speaker of The House John Boehner told Political Salad Bar Magazine that he is proud of the fact that he has not cried in 48 hours.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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