Philadelphia, PA-- Miss Vicky Smegma has finally decided who should be the next president of the United States. The neurotic spinster took a lot of time to make up her mind. She walked out into the cold February air this morning, satisfied she had finally made the right choice.
Miss Smegma went to the polling place at her local high school back on Election Day. Voting booths had been set up in the gym. Miss Smegma went into one of the booths and closed the curtains. Then she stood very still and tried to decide how she should vote.
"I liked both candidates and their families." said Miss Smegma. "The wives and the kids seem like such nice people." smiled the spinster. "Maybe that's why it took me so long to decide!" she chuckled.
Miss Smegma stared at the voting machine. She was dimly aware of time going by. Sometimes she would see a shadow, and she would know another night had fallen. Other times the voting booth would brighten, and she would know another day had dawned.
Many days went by as Miss Smegma tried to decide. Many, many days. Miss Smegma still stood in the voting booth, trying desperately to make her choice.
"It's just so hard to make up my mind who the best guy is." said Miss Smegma to herself. She was still unaware of how much time had gone by.
Finally, Miss Smegma had a brainstorm. She reached into her purse and pulled out a coin to flip.
"If it's heads, I'll vote Democratic, tails I vote Republican." said Miss Smegma.
The coin toss turned out to be tails. Miss Smegma pulled the lever for Republican and finally walked out of the voting booth, still blissfully ignorant of how much time it had taken for her to decide.
"I'm sort of glad it turned out tails--I liked his slogan a lot!" said Miss Smegma to herself as she walked out of gym.
"Nixon's the one!"
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