Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 2 February 2013

image for Chevron eyes Scooter Libby prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald 'to fill Chuck Hagel's boots'
NOT a concrete overboots story, guys!

San Ramon - "You mean as in, er, 'With Concrete?' maybe?" bemused Big Oil sources quipped tonight as Chevron top brass reviewed the scalps Fitzie's notched up fighting organized crime in the last 30 years.

This weekend the awesome former US Attorney for the Northern District of Illinois Patrick Fitzgerald is one hot piece of ass to replace Chuck 'Hagel-Don't-Bother-Me' Hagel on the Chevron board.

The San Ramon-based super major is well pleased with Fitzgerald's track record which includes nailing Dick Cheney's chief-of-staff Scooter Libby for perjury in the Valerie Plame yellow-cake trial.

Also high up on Fitzgerald's CV are multiple convictions in high profile investigations including the jailing of TWO State of Illinois Governors George Ryan and Rod Blagojevich.

Also incarcerated was media tycoon Conrad Black, numerous bent aides of Chicago Mayor Richard Daley mired in the Hired Truck Program scam, as well as corrupt Chicago PDY detective and accused torturer Jon Burge.

It's that classy profile that sees Chevron directors woo Fitzgerald to take over where US Secretary for Defense-in-waiting Chuck Hagel left off.

The California-based energy company has become something of a high class finishing school for US government high fliers and its alumnae include Condoleezza Rice - Dubya's National Security Advisor and subsequent US Secretary of State.

Another NSA chief General James Jones also cut his big oil teeth at the Chevron board just as the company prepared the groundwork for its massive racketeering lawsuit against Ecuadorian Amazonbotch scammers and their KGB pimps.

At his NChicago home this weekend Fitzgerald is supposedly feigning ignorance of the proposed high profile elevation to the Chevron board.

Friends reckon other 'springboard' offers appear almost every week as he continues to hunker down at his sassy law firm partnership position at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher And Flom.

The price of crude is still hovering around the $100-a-barrel mark.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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