Written by E. Lee Zimmerman
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Thursday, 24 January 2013

Washington DC - Fast on the heels of his 'Wet T-Shirt' fundraiser in support of a woman's right to choose, Vice-President Joe Biden is continuing his campaign to explore America's moral convictions with the announcement of a celebrity 'keg mixer' to promote gun control.

"This is just the tip of a really big f***ing iceberg," Biden said this morning to a gathering of the White House's press corps. "The President and I have an agenda, and we're taking this f***ing agenda to the people."

In the Rose Garden, Biden explained the need to engage citizens in a national dialogue about gun violence. Starting this March at Penn State, the Vice-President - along with members of U.S. Olympic drinking team - will launch an exhaustive cross-country tour of celebrity 'keg mixers' which he hopes will get Americans talking about the need for Congress to enact sweeping legislation.

His target? Gun violence.

"What we're going to do is put a gun to the head of this issue," Biden proclaimed with his wife standing at his side. "These gun manufacturers, ammunition lobbyists, and the NRA are in our crosshairs. The time for the average citizen to pull the trigger is now, and we aim to get that put down."

The bus convoy - casually dubbed the 'Kegs for Clips' Brigade - will continue across Pennsylvania and beyond, with eventual stops planned for every state university or private college in ten Midwestern states.

"We'll do one shot for each and every victim of a handgun or an assault weapon until we've tossed one back for every lost soul," the Vice-President promised. "Today, it is my pledge that, for every casualty, we'll celebrate at least one shot of Jack, and we'll keep doing shots of Jack until the citizens of America wake up and call their Congressmen to tell them we won't stop until they pass President Obama's and my bill."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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