WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - Arizona Senator John McCain ripped President Barack Obama's failure to offer a bail out to Twinkie producer Hostess Brands this afternoon. Speaking before the US Senate, McCain called Obama a "heartless, Godless un-American," and compared him to the "liberal socialist union organizers and scumbag carpet baggers who invaded the south following the Civil War."
He said much more but it made no more sense than did that first paragraph.
"Sure, Obama bailed out the union workers in the rust belt auto industry, because that is where the votes were that elected him over me in 2008," he told an almost empty Senate Chamber.
"But what did he do for the open shop, Texas based Hostess Brands who made America what it is today? Nothing, absolutely nothing because Texas went for Romney. I'm flummoxed by his perfidy," McCain shouted.
He was twice interrupted during his speech by Senate pages that were sent by Harry Reid to tell him he was missing a very important, classified briefing regarding the attack on the Benghazi embassy, hearings he had insisted upon having.
"Benghazi is old news, dammit! I'm talking about the all-important Twinkie Recovery Bill I am proposing right now. We must save the Twinkie," said McCain.
You heard it here first!