Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Karl Rove

Sunday, 11 November 2012

image for Saving Strategist Karl Rove
"Got money?"

James Bond and new film, Skyfall, lands in theaters just in time to save political strategist Karl Rove from the clutches of campaign donors who contributed over $400 million to Rove's American Crossroads super PAC, and got nothing, zero, zip in return.

Daniel Craig's icy James Bond response was, "I work for Judi Dench, (meaning: her majesty's secret service) and no one else."

More nothing, zero, zip.

The sum of $400 million isn't a figure to sneeze at, and the Rove situation was fast turning into a Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino film.

Somebody make the pasta.

Oil rich Koch brothers invested over $100 million with the Rove PAC to elect Mitt Romney. In return, Mr. Romney was to insure Supreme Court appointments to protect oil interests in perpetuity. The Kochs got nothing, zero, zip for their investment and they're peeved.

Then there is Samuel Adelson, the Las Vegas gambling kingpin with casinos reaching as far away as Macau. Adelson gave millions to the Gingrich campaign, and easily transferred his support to the Romney campaign when Gingrich flamed out. After donating $54 million to the Romney campaign and getting thumbs down for his investment, Adelson isn't smiling. Adelson's also VegasÂ…

Add more pasta.

Approaching Donald Trump for a loan, Rove was told, "That's big, that's too big." He suggested Rove ask Romney or try plastic surgery. "Do what Johnny Depp did in, The Tourist. Even old squeeze Angelina Jolie didn't recognize him."

Scrambling, Rove's life was stepping up into a Hitchcock film, with the music from, Psycho, screeching in the background. Would he find Romney sitting in a rocking chair, back to the door, more mummified than during the campaign? He approached Romney for a $400 million loan, saying, "Guys are asking for their money back."

Romney assured him he had the money, but Rove was a poor investment. Rove was now part of the 47%. Meaning: a beggar looking for a handout and living off the top 1%. He added that he lost the election because of Rove's "47%" zinger.

"Try asking Valerie Plane."

Meaning: nothing, zero, and zip.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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