Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Mitt Romney was caught with his pandering pants down recently, as he held a town hall-type of meeting with potential Latino voters. The problem was that he showed up with a visibly darker complexion, almost as if he had self-tanned to better fit in with the swarthy community.

"Absolutely not! I did not self-tan!" Romney objected, adding that neither did he have his maids, butlers, gardeners, or drivers tint his skin. "I...uuhhhh...had an accident! Yeah! That's what it was! An accident!"

When pressed for an explanation, Romney hemmed and hawed and twitched and finally blurted out, "I was visiting a chemical company, when suddenly a shot rang out, I fell back over a railing, and dangled there for what seemed like ages! This guy in a black rubber suit tried to help me, but I fell down into a huge vat of chemicals and it tinted my skin!"

I pointed out that that was what happened in 'Batman' from 1989 to create The Joker, and his skin had been bleached white by the accident, so Romney went in another direction.

"Oh, yeah! Silly me! What really, really happened was that I was on my campaign bus with a bunch of my kids, when we drove over or encountered a skunk. It stunk up the whole bus and we are got stunk-up, so my manager, Reuben, suggested a bath in tomato juice and that's what tinted my skin darker! Yeah! That's what happened!"

I spoke up again, and revealed that sounded suspiciously like an episode of 'The Partridge Family', especially the part about Reuben being the manager, as in Reuben Kincaid.

Painted into a corner, Romney blurted out, "YESYESYESYESYESYES! I self-tanned, OKAAAAAY???? I gotta fit in somewhere, don't I??? I'm just trying to fit in, is that so bad???"

A new poll was sent out immediately after the press conference, stating that 47 per cent of Americans are not dependent on self-tanning.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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